Friend, tried to snatch my man

Dear Bunmi,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost four years. A few months ago, we were  experiencing some problems and I confided in a close friend. She took this as an  opportunity to tell him she had feelings for him and asked if they could have a chance  together. He told her he did not feel the same way. I found out from someone else what happened and, although I understand why  he didn’t tell me, I find their friendship difficult to accept. But I want to move on and  I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my boyfriend.

Adaora,

bye-mail.

Dear Adaora,

Okay, so you confided in a close friend about your problems, she used the  opportunity to make a play for him, your boyfriend confided in someone else about  what happened; and they spilled the beans to you.

What a bunch of gossips! It’s time to stop talking about each other and start talking to each other. Let the gossipy past lie. ‘Falsehood by exaggeration’ is what gossips often do to create a more powerful story and increase the attention drawn to themselves. Talk to your boyfriend – and only your boyfriend – about what is nobody else’s business, vow to work them out together. As for your ‘close’ friend, it is tempting to  tell her to keep her claws off your boyfriend and, when she asks you what you mean,  answer with a smile: “Oh come on, everyone knows you fancy him!” But, in your  place, I would say nothing and take particular care never to trust her with any confidential  matters again. At least, he had the good taste to turn her down.