When it comes to your sex life, sticking with what works—tried-and-true pleasure moves that you know will get you and your partner off—can be satisfying. Still, it pays to extend your comfort zone and play sexual adventurer. A more out-there or experimental way to get it on can be a thrill, leaving you feeling sexy and confident.
Experimenting with new sex styles can also lead to feeling a tighter connection to your significant other. “Pushing boundaries can add a new spark of intimacy and help you discover new things about your partner,” says Alicia Sinclair, a certified sex educator and CEO of the sex toy lines b-Vibe, Le Wand, and The Cowgirl. If you’re eager to turn up the intensity and find creative new ways to orgasm, then these rut-busting moves will get you started.
Have sex from behind—in a semi-public space
Busting a bedroom rut can start with busting out of the bedroom, literally. Where to go? Take it from women who have done it: A semi-public place where you could potentially be caught adds an element of danger and secrecy, and that can be electrifying.
“Most sexual boundary-pushing involves situations rather than positions,” says New York City sex therapist Stephen Snyder, MD, author of Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship. “Most often, it’s situations that aren’t entirely private.”
Dr. Snyder suggests doing the deed in a private room at a party: Lean on a tall piece of furniture and have your partner enter from behind. It’s an easy position to get into, especially if you’re in a dress or skirt. And you’ll both be facing forward, your eyes peeled on anyone who might walk in the door. “You clean up a bit and return to the party—feeling naughty, buzzed, and in possession of a secret,” says Dr. Snyder.
Enjoy oral sex with the help of a vibrator
Many women say that they climax most easily via oral sex or with a vibrator. This move combines both, which some people still consider taboo. Lie on your back and have your partner put his head between your legs. While you enjoy your partner’s mouth and tongue moves, he holds a small vibrator to your clitoris or use a vibrator to penetrate you (or both). Don’t stop at one orgasm—tell your partner to keep stimulating you and see if you can climax again…and again.
To return the favor, switch positions and place the vibrator on his perineum (the sensitive, nerve-rich space between his anus and testicles) while you stimulate him with your mouth and hands, says Sinclair. If that’s too much sexual pleasure, put the vibrator on his nipples. “Experimenting with new areas, like the nipples or the perineum, may be more pleasurable when you’re already aroused from your go-to spots,” says Sinclair.
Have missionary sex with your hands tied
Missionary sex has a reputation as boring vanilla. Not with this variation: Have your partner tie your hands together just tight enough so you can’t use them. “If you’re new to bondage, start simple with silk ties, easy-release handcuffs, or super-soft rope,” advises Sinclair. Not having the use of your hands can put you in a more submissive place during sex, and as long as you’re with a partner you trust and are comfortable with, that can be crazy exciting.
“It can be turn-on to know that they will keep you safe (and satisfied!) even when you can’t move,” says Sinclair. For another twist, tie him up, and ride him slowly to satisfaction, without letting him use his hands to control your speed or caress your body.
Get on top in the back of your car
The opportunity to rock the back seat of your car probably doesn’t come along very often, but here’s the case for it: The backseat is pretty comfortable, and the tight space brings your bodies close, enhancing your emotional closeness as well. Even if you’re parked in your driveway, the car gives you the sense of the open road and adventure. And though you’re enclosed in your own space, you’re still exposed, so there’s the thrill of the risk of being caught.
Next time you two are in a chill mood in the car with some time on your hands, find a place to park, head to the back seat, have your partner sit like he normally would, and then straddle him woman-on-top style. Because you’re both upright, you can quickly pull on your clothes should someone come along. But you also have all the time in the world to talk dirty, rock back and forth, and have explosive orgasms. Just don’t do this one while your partner is driving (that’s seriously dangerous).
Play around your back door
Full-on anal sex can be intimidating. But for a variation that’s adventurous yet not too out there, enjoy anal play with your hands, your partner’s hands, and a sex toy. Lie down on your stomach naked, and have your partner touch your butt cheeks and rub against them, so you feel the sexy weight of his body while lighting up sensitive nerve endings you may never have felt before. Have him use his fingers with some lubricant or massage oil and slowly go deeper. The lube will enhance sensations as your partner explores.
Sinclair recommends trying a butt plug if you’re a newbie. Here’s a situation where size matters—and smaller can be preferable. “The smaller fit compared to a penis or dildo is a good introduction for your bum, while still engaging with an erogenous zone that can be extra sensitive,” says Sinclair. Adds Dr. Snyder: “Your classic boundary-pushing sex positions involve anal penetration.” Part of appeal, he adds, is the “dirty” factor—that anal sex is somewhat illicit.
While anal play is something many women truly enjoy, be careful about not introducing germs from your anal area into your vaginal area, which could result in a urinary tract infection.